The process......Vision to Reality

Today's reading is Isaiah 35:7  "The parched ground will become a pool"

Today's Reading from "My Utmost for His Highest"

In this reading, Oswald Chambers talks about a God given vision and then how God prepares us to be one with that vision......in His time.....and that usually there are difficult experiences that mold us and prepare us for the vision to become reality.....if we will endure the process.

After living at Hoa Khanh Children's Hospital for a little over two years I left.....thoroughly disillusioned and angry at everyone......  All I wanted to do was leave Vietnam and didn't think of what I would do next.

Just before I was ready to leave, Glenn Mitchell, Ken Keefer and I set out to drive from Danang to Saigon in an old 'cracker box' ambulance.  Glenn's mother lived in a small town called Bamnethuot in the central highlands so we planned to drive to NhaTrang, Bamnethuot, Dalat, and end up in Saigon.  Now this was May, 1973 and the US military had left Vietnam in January of 1973.....so this was truly going to be an adventure.   We could travel during the day but not at night because of the continuing fighting.  Many of the roads had a pile of rubble in the middle and a South Vietnamese flag there during the day. Probably at night, this flag was removed by the Viet Cong.  There were several times when Vietnamese soldiers would stand in the road with their guns to attempting make us stop but we would just continue to drive through the road block for fear of what would happen if we stopped.  I must say that these moments were the only times I felt afraid on this trip.  I trusted the two men with whom I traveled and was so happy to be away from the children's hospital and all my difficulties with relationships there.  Sadly, I was not looking to God for protection but to my friends and a feeling I was invincible......

We stopped the first night in Nha Trang and stayed with a missionary family, the Sutherland's.  These people loved the nationals, spoke the language, felt a clear call to be there and were so welcoming.  I felt my heart softening.....

We spent several days with Betty Mitchell, Glenn's mom.  She lived in a small house in the village.  She and her husband, Archie, had come to Vietnam before it was separated into north and south.  They had lived and studied language in Hanoi.  Their lives are a testimony of trust in God and the molding that He puts us through to become an exact likeness of the vision He has given us.  In 1962, the Viet Cong came into their home, took Archie and two other missionaries....Dan Gerber and Ardel Vietti captive.  Betty was allowed to stay to care for her children.......She had remained in Vietnam, awaiting the return of her husband......believing God that he would come home.....  Until this day, none of the three were ever seen again.   And you know, when I had gone to visit Betty before this trip, I had this eerie feeling every time a dog would bark at night that this was Archie coming home and I should not be there during their reunion.....this was how strong Betty's faith was and how she lived each day trusting in God's love, faithfulness, and the hope for her husband's return.....and this never changed.....over all the years......never changed.

Sometimes I think that Glenn wanted to be captured too to be able to find his Dad.  While we were in Bamnethuot, we went with some tribesmen to a village.  Glenn was driving and it was out through the jungle.  There are no toilets and if you need to go to the bathroom, you have to go behind a bush....and I remember needing to go really badly and the road was washed out so each jolt of the car was agony.  Glenn stopped and I noticed that the tribesmen jumped out to hide.....not a good sign of a safe area..... while I was heading to find my bush.  All of a sudden I heard a gunshot and we had to go......so the tribesmen reappeared, we hopped back into the land rover and headed out......  I made sure I drank less coffee in the mornings after that to prevent needing a pit stop......

Next we drove to Dalat and met with the Christian and Missionary Alliance missionaries at their conference.  There were two nurses, Olive Kingsbury and Dawn Deets there.  They worked in Pleiku, another town in the Central Highlands.  They worked with the leprosy patients there.  Every 4 years one would return to the USA to rest and meet with those churches that were supporting them.  After conference, Olive was leaving and Dawn would be alone in the work.  The next summer, Dawn would leave and Olive would work alone.  Now this was quite difficult because they held clinics 5 days a week in different villages but also needed to oversee a small hospital with patients needing inpatient care.  So they were looking for a nurse to come and help for the next two years while they were short staffed.  They spoke to me several times about applying to come and help.  Remember, I had become quite jaded by then and all I could think was......no way......I'll catch leprosy and end up stuck there for the rest of my life and never get married nor have kids......so I was polite and noncommittal.  They said they would pray for God to change my mind......but at this time, God wasn't factoring into my decisions......so that was ok with me.

We continued on our trip to Saigon and then returned to the children's hospital until it was time for us to go back to the USA.

When I went back to my parents home and was trying to be happy to be back in California, my mother asked me to go with her to a Christian conference entitled...."Basic Youth Conflicts".  Not interested.... I was struggling with my sense of loss of the life in Vietnam but I had resigned from the children's hospital and was replaced......I missed the excitement of the life there and my friends.......but they had left too and so even if I could go back...which I didn't want to do......it wouldn't be the same.....I was really conflicted....and then my mother wants me to go to this conference.......to drive her there, she said.......and she persisted until I agreed to go.......just to help her out......

This was only a weekend conference but it changed my life.  Bill Gothard spoke about relationships and how we need to keep current with these.....and not allow anger to control our lives....and I was so angry with several of the people I had worked with......believed they had mistreated me and not trusted me and it had become my mission to be the person they had thought I was......and this made me angry and wanting to get out......

Now I believe that God took me to Vietnam.  I know that I thought it was an escape from my unhappy bored life.....but I believe it was His hand on me....taking me where I would be broken and then rebuilt into a person that He could use......A very painful process that goes on and on.....through life......

Anyway, finally one session, Saturday night, was about calling people that had wronged you or you had wronged and asking forgiveness......for your lack of love for them during that time.  I was so angry with several people and didn't want to call them but felt compelled to.  There were three men in particular.  I called each one......and not one admitted they had wronged me and they certainly had...in fact, two had nearly crushed me....they had a meeting with me and tore into who I was, what I looked like, and how ineffective I really was.......but that wasn't the issue......I couldn't change them or what had happened.....I could only tell them that God had convicted me of my lack of love for them after the meeting.....and they stated they didn't know what I was talking about.......but, as instructed, I just continued to say, "God has convicted me.....please forgive me for my lack of love and respect I have shown to you".  And you know, an amazing thing started in me......I actually could feel a softening of my heart......not just toward these three but toward everyone.....and with that, the vision of continuing to work in Vietnam was renewed......

I called Olive and asked her why the Christian and Missionary Alliance hadn't called me to see if I would go to work in Pleiku.  She was so surprised and said that I had to call them, apply, and go through an interview process to be able to go.  Wow....that hit my pride.....I had thought they would be so lucky to get me there.......and then she said she would call ahead and tell them she would recommend me for the position.  Now this was a godly woman that had met me......not at my best....and only for a few moments......but she was a real part in getting me there.....

I filled out the application, went to Kansas City, Missouri, and met with two men who were interviewing me.....one was Grady Mangham and I have sadly forgotten the name of the other gentleman.......or maybe I forget because the interview process was quite difficult with him.

Upon arrival to Kansas City, my bag was lost.  I was so distraught that I didn't hear the page for me in the airport....  After about an hour of searching, my bag was found and I went out to catch the van to the hotel.  I must say that I didn't realize how long I had kept everyone waiting.....I was just wanting to make a good impression and felt the clothing I had traveled in, purple plaid pants....would not make a good impression.  I had a dress that I felt would be more appropriate......see how trite I still was?????  When I got into the van, there was a couple waiting and they told me that the man who was driving us, had been paging me for the hour and so upset at the loss of time, was my interviewer.......and I felt my heart sink......not only was he seeing me not in 'missionary' clothing but he was already unhappy because my delay had upset the schedule for everyone.

We went to the hotel and checked in.  He said, since we are so late and need to go to another meeting in a few hours, how about if we meet now.  I asked if I could go and freshen up before the interview.  He agreed.  I went to my room and prayed because I felt I had ruined my chances to go back to Vietnam.  Then I noticed that I had left my suitcase at the reception desk.....I headed down.....both men were waiting......picked up my bag and went back to my room to change.......called my mom and asked her to pray......  We met for about an hour during which time I was asked one question that I had difficulty answering.......define sanctification.  Now today I know it is the process of growing in grace to become more like God wants us to be.....in alignment with Him.....but in 1973.....I was not at all articulate and had difficulty answering.  Grady, bless his heart, helped me clarify what I was trying to say.   This was how the interview went......I would try to answer the question and Grady would rephrase for me......

We continued the conversation over dinner before they had to go to their other meeting.  As we sat down to eat I was so stressed.....so sure I had ruined my chances to go to Pleiku......and now would need to eat in front of my interviewers......so I ordered a chef's salad.......thinking this would be easy to eat and I should not have any further fumbles that would make me even more undesirable for the job.  The salad came with large romaine leaves standing all around the bowl and the rest of the salad in bite size pieces in the middle of the bowl......the first time I put my fork in......every one of the romaine leaves fell onto the table......I must have looked so distraught that Grady reached over, patted my hand and began to pick up the leaves and replace them into my bowl......  It was the end of a terrible interview day.......

Here I had been so glad to leave Vietnam......Had acted like a petulant child when I left the children's hospital.....and burned all my bridges to ever return.....and now I was longing to be able to fulfill the renewed vision of meeting the medical needs of the poorest of the poor....the leprosy patients in Pleiku....and believed I had destroyed any possibility due to a series of unfortunate events.  I remember calling my mom and telling her all about the interview and dinner events with tears of disappointment and she said, "If this is where God wants you......He will make a way".  This allowed me to sleep that night.

The next morning I saw Grady checking out and I asked him if I was going to get to go to Pleiku.  He looked at me with puzzlement.....because they had to meet with a group at the main office to make a recommendation......and he asked me, "Why are you asking me now?"  "We have to meet at the office"......I responded...."Because I'm already packed to go".  He gave me the biggest hug and whispered......"I'll see you in Vietnam".

And on December 28, 1973, I returned to Vietnam.....a different person......not running from my life but moving toward the vision that God had given me......not figuring everything out for my benefit....but wanting to serve my Lord where He saw fit......

This doesn't mean that everything was easy then......a new language.....isolation.....living with two women who were very sweet and welcoming but had been there for many years, felt comfortable, spoke the language.....and I was playing catch up.  Dawn Deets had to continue with her daily clinic visits to different villages and I was to remain at the leprosy hospital......learn the language, teach nursing to the staff that were all patients themselves....and treat the sick.  There was no doctor at this hospital so it was a huge medical challenge.  I loved it.

The molding continued......the challenges were many.  I do believe that because of my isolation I spent much more time in prayer......and God met my needs.......each and every one of them.....but those are different stories for another day.......