http://utmost.org/his-nature-and-our-motives
I am sure it seems that I write mainly about experiences related to Vietnam.....and those times certainly impacted all of the future journeys around the world....but right now I think of these times because so much of my world view was developed then. Maybe it also has to do with my age.....and reflecting on the past is normal at this time of life......who knows...... It is just the first paragraph of the reading today is about motives......
When I first returned from Vietnam for a home visit I met with our pastor, Lloyd Ogilvie. He asked me several questions about why I was living and working in Vietnam during a war. I believe he was really having difficulty with the safety concerns. When he asked how I felt safe there, my immediate reply I still remember clearly......."No matter where I am, if I am where God wants me to be, where could I be any safer??" I remember he smiled and agreed.
My sister would ask me why I continued to return to such a difficult places.....and she would say, "Haven't you done enough?" Now this speaks to motives.....what the devotional is talking about today. "The characteristic of a disciple is not that he does good things, but that he is good in his motives, having been made good by the supernatural grace of God. The only thing that exceeds right-doing is right-being....Your motives must be so pure that God Almighty can see nothing to rebuke". I have always thought that my motives have never been pure......I did go to Vietnam with mixed motives......for excitement and adventure....to show my father that I could actually follow through on a plan and also I believed God was leading me there......so mixed motives.....and during the time I lived there and elsewhere I have felt that I have gained more in my life than I have given......so perhaps my problem is not with my motives but is my acceptance of what God has been doing in and through me.
I am finding that writing this blog is causing me to rethink some of the basic beliefs that I was taught as a child and tried to model as an adult. I was taught that I must be doing for the Kingdom of God....and this would be the evidence of my faith....and a natural end would be God's approval. In fact, if I spent time having fun or too much joking, I was not being a "good Christian". This is very difficult to release as an adult and not have a real sense of disquiet. What I'm learning now with this reading is to focus exclusively on either the doing or being then we take the focus to a wrong place and it hinders God's working in us.
As I have said, I came to Soyo, Angola with a passion to start a hospice and palliative care program. I believed this was what God was leading me to do......for the benefit of the people here.....and thereby to bring glory to God by this program and my attitude of service......I talked about it, planned for it, and carried out a huge amount of supplies in our shipment to make the program easier for the people. Perhaps at some time this will be what the people want....but it certainly doesn't seem to be at this moment....and that is alright.....
What am I beginning to see as my purpose for being here? I am beginning to see that the writing of this blog is causing me to think about my basic beliefs.......to reflect on what has been the driving force in my life.....and see what new I can learn now...... Living in such a quiet place with so few distractions, God has forced me into a period of quiet mediation and reflection. This has allowed His Spirit to work in me in a new way now....unlike any time in the past. My husband is a strong believer in Praxis.....a balance between action and reflection. He has also been an advocate of frequent journaling which facilitates Praxis. Doing this has been difficult for me as I have always stayed so busy....but now I spend hours thinking about my journey and praying about what I want to be writing each day......and I am finding this very enjoyable and I actually look forward to this time. I am learning that regardless what my motives were at any particular time.....God has still chosen to use me......and caused me to be even more committed to Him now than I have ever been before. Oswald Chambers writes, "Jesus Christ does not give us rules and regulations— He gives us His teachings which are truths that can only be interpreted by His nature which He places within us. The great wonder of Jesus Christ’s salvation is that He changes our heredity. He does not change human nature— He changes its source, and thereby its motives as well."
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