I believe that many times we are swayed by the eloquence of people's words......we allow them to think for us and present thoughts that we embrace because we trust that person and love the beauty of their words. Therefore, if we aren't eloquent, we don't believe we should be speaking to people about something as important as the Gospel of Jesus......for fear we will not say things well and therefore do more damage than good. This was how I felt......
I have always loved to talk......been a downfall for me for my entire childhood.....and got me into lots of problems growing up. I have always admired people who can get up in front and speak well and influence others....and me......and it was a surprise for me to be asked to speak to a group of women.
In 1995, we had been back in Thailand for about a year after our son, Jeremy, finished rehabilitation following a terrible automobile accident. The woman that was heading up Christian Women's Club was the South African Ambassador's wife, Corlia Goris. She came and said that it was time for me to talk about the accident and following months and how God was apparent in the difficulties of that time. This was a way of sharing with others who will also face terrible events in their lives and to remember God is with you through it all...... She would not take no for an answer and set up a time for me to speak at her home. I remember it all so clearly.......the difficulty of getting the words to flow and not become emotional as I related the events. But I know that God had His hand in that time and I was able to speak openly and honestly about all my emotions and learning........and I figured my speaking days were over....... I do recall that I had told God that if anyone else wanted me to speak and if He gave me the words, I would share what I was learning.
One of the women, Julie McDorman, who had attended that meeting was moved to Malaysia and contacted me to come and speak at a women's conference. So what do you do when you make a promise to God and then need to follow through. I told her I would pray about it......and get back to her. It had been several years since I had spoken and yet the promise I had made was clearly recalled to me. Here is the problem though. Telling the story about our son's accident the the year of rehabilitation was one 40 minute speech.....she was asking for a speech on Friday evening, once on Saturday and Sunday......I knew very clearly that I was incapable of this....and so I began to pray. She said I could choose the topic of the conference......so I didn't even have direction on what they wanted......
After a lot of prayer I finally agreed to speak. This meeting was at the end of September or early October. I had plenty of time to prepare......but my own sense of inadequacy was real. So what do you do? You pray and read and pray and read and finally I thought of speaking on "Salt and Light". This comes from the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus says, "You are the salt of the earth....You are the light of the world". So I researched this, listened to sermons on this topic, read lots of excerpts about this......found wonderful examples to be used of people who have been salt and light.....where they are......and Bryan even helped me find music that could be played at the end of the sessions to help bring focus even more on the topic. I was getting ready......
And then I got a call from the USA....from my family, reporting that my mother had fallen an broken her hip.....and was not doing well. She was 84 at this time......and I had to go to see her.......so my focus changed to how to help her and all the stress that this type of situation brings on families....... I had the perfect out from this conference but it was only a few weeks away and there was no way someone else could come and take my place.......and besides....I had promised to share when asked to....so I called Julie and told her I was in California but would come back for the conference.
Here is my point......I'm not a great speaker......I'm maybe adequate......but God doesn't want us to try to sway people by our gift of great oration......He does not want us to be the focus of attention......but for the focus to be on Him......and that is why He works best with those of us that are well aware of our limitations and are being asked to be stretched......He is then there in the stretching.......He gives the words......and opens people's ears to hear what He is saying to them.......and I believe that the conference was good for those there.....not because of me......but because I was willing to let go and let God speak through me...... I must say that I enjoyed myself after the second session......became less afraid I'd mess things up......and just relaxed into the time.
After that conference I had another opportunity to share in Thailand at a shorter conference. I didn't know how it was received until we were just in Thailand and met a woman that was at that conference. She said, I remember you......because what you shared from your heart.......the things you said have been an encouragement to me for many years. That is clearly not me......and I'm thankful.....
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