Oswald Chambers begins this writing with this statement, "The typical view of the Christian life is that it means being delivered from all adversity. But it actually means being delivered in adversity, which is something very different." I have written before of my own thoughts that somehow as a Christian, I would be protected from difficulty.....adversity....and what a shock it is to find that this is not true. I have also written about the family life changing accident of our eldest son.....and there was a year of difficulty and adversity for all of us.....and so I have more thoughts on this.....
Once Jeremy was released from ICU he was moved to the rehabilitation floor of Children's Hospital of San Diego. This was in the old part of the hospital and we went from Jeremy in one bed alone with a nurse to care for him to his being placed in a bed with two other children in the room and their families visiting. At first I really hated this. I felt it was intrusive and wanted to be in a private room......neither our insurance nor the doctor would allow this. Once Jeremy was on this wing he had to participate in rehabilitation therapy. He would be taken out of bed, put in a wheel chair that had a head support because he couldn't hold his head up yet......and they rolled him to the rehab rooms.
Physical Therapy started as soon as Jeremy was able to respond to verbal cues.....and it was painful to watch although I don't believe it was painful to Jeremy...... In those 17 days in ICU he had become so thin and weak......we didn't realize at the time that the blood clot in the back of his brain was affecting his sight. The physical therapist, Amy, who worked mainly with him was a tiny girl but amazingly strong. She would put him on a mat and have him lift his legs and arms.
I mentioned that when Jeremy was first injured many people from around the world called to give support. It was amazing but Jeremy's best friend, Stephen Sheldon, from the International School in Bangkok, Thailand, was visiting family in San Deigo. When his father who was in Thailand heard about the accident he called his wife and son to come to visit at the hospital. I remember that when we were leaving that evening.....the second day participating in rehab......I told Jeremy, Stephen is coming to visit you tomorrow. Now at this time Jeremy knew his Dad, sister and brother's names but called me Fred......so I told him the news of Stephen but never expected he would remember the next day...... In the morning when I arrived I asked him if he remembered who was coming today.....and he smiled and said, "Stephen". I was amazed. We were walking Jeremy in the wheelchair that held up his head to rehab when Stephen arrived. He came in the door and just stopped. He couldn't believe this was Jeremy.....he had changed so much. The therapist continued to roll the chair to rehab and I went to Stephen and told him he didn't have to stay.....this was very hard.......but he composed himself and followed me into the physical therapy rooms. Both of these boys were entering 9th grade......so very young. Stephen continued to come every day while he was in the area and get down on the mat with Jeremy to encourage him to work hard with the exercises. The last day came and Stephen was leaving......he told Jeremy he would come to say good by but called that morning and said he just couldn't do it. Leaving Jeremy was so difficult for him......I did my best to comfort him.....and reminded him that it was the first thing Jeremy remembered from one day to the next.....the day he first came. I told Jeremy that Stephen was too sad to come and Jeremy said, "ok".
Remembering this once again fills me with the great sadness of those days. I begin to remember the isolation of that time.....the feelings of hopelessness as we struggled to make it through each day....just as Jeremy was struggling to be able to become independently functioning again. The incredible difficulties Justin and Amanda had in their schools and these events changed them forever...... Oswald Chambers writes, "If you are a child of God, you will certainly encounter adversities, but Jesus says you should not be surprised when they come. 'In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.' He is saying, 'There is nothing for you to fear.'" This does not seem to make sense in times like the ones in which we were living. But I am here to tell you that it is true.. Life is full of difficulties.....some beyond comprehension as you go through them and a feeling at times that God has forgotten us.....but it just simply isn't true. Oswald Chambers continues, "God does not give us overcoming life— He gives us life as we overcome. The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength."
Jeremy stayed as an inpatient for a total of 90 days. At that time he was considered well enough to go home and continue his therapy as an outpatient. This brought its own set of increased pressure. Amanda and Justin were in their schools and trying to survive there....they would then come home to their brother that was someone they didn't know.....He had been the one who cared for everyone and now he needed to be cared for. Bryan was commuting to Thailand and returning for about a week to ten days every six weeks. I was just trying to make it through each day.....so not a life of obvious victory......
When it was finally time to leave the hospital and start the outpatient rehab, the nurse practitioner asked me to go to lunch with her because she wanted to ask me a question.....I thought it was to ask if I wanted a job to be an advocate for other families going through what we were.....I guess I always think it is about a job..... Instead she asked me this question, "What makes you so different from the other mothers in rehab?" I was surprised. I asked her to clarify what she meant by being so different and she said I was going through all that every other mother was going through but had a peace and serenity about me...... I had to think....The only time that I spoke most clearly about my trusting in the Lord to get me and the family through this was in ICU.....and we told the nurses there....and then once when the speech pathologist, Cindy, shared how the healing would take place and what to expect next. She said that a child that has had a sweet personality like Jeremy may become aggressive and swear and act in a sexual manner.....I told her that God would not allow that....He would keep Jeremy with the personality that He had given him.....Those were the only two times that it was overt speaking about my trust in God's faithfulness. I'm sure they saw us pray with Jeremy each night before we left the hospital too. Anyway, all I could say to her is that I know that no matter how difficult things are, God is not just with me.....but He is holding me up and making a way for me to stand in His strength. She just looked at me and we finished lunch. I'm not sure what she had expected me to say.....but it was true.....I could not have made that year without the strength from God.....Oswald Chambers writes....God never gives us strength for tomorrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the moment. Our temptation is to face adversities from the standpoint of our own common sense. But a saint can “be of good cheer” even when seemingly defeated by adversities, because victory is absurdly impossible to everyone, except God."
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