The reading today is about disillusionment. Oswald Chambers states, "Disillusionment means having no more misconceptions, false impressions, and false judgments in life; it means being free from these deceptions. However, though no longer deceived, our experience of disillusionment may actually leave us cynical and overly critical in our judgment of others. But the disillusionment that comes from God brings us to the point where we see people as they really are, yet without any cynicism or any stinging and bitter criticism."
As I have pondered this reading for several days, there has been one story that comes back to my thinking. This again is a story that took place in Vietnam.
While I was working at the Children's Hospital outside of Danang during one staff meeting Dr. Long brought to our attention that medications were disappearing from the Pharmacy. First he wanted to make sure we were signing them out as we should......you see the nurses would go into the pharmacy during the hours when the Pharmacist was not at the hospital....and get the medications that were needed for either the outpatients or the inpatients. Dr. Long said that he had been noticing a steady loss of antibiotics and thought perhaps the local staff was taking them for a clinic they might have in their home. This was a normal outreach in the community by medically trained staff but it was not acceptable to take medications or supplies from the hospital for a private clinic. During this meeting there was discussion as to which of the staff it was believed might be taking the medications and how to stop this.
A few days later, Dr. Long called each of the nurses and said that we would need to take one shift at the gate as the staff were leaving to check their bags. I recall the great anger I felt with this plan and told him that I was hired as a nurse, not a guard......I also said that I believed that if we treated the staff as thieves, they would have a great change in attitude......because at that time, when I knew I was being watched for times of going and coming to my house or the hospital......I set about being as inconsistent as I could be to make sure I was considered even more unacceptable than I believed those watching thought I was......and I figured the local nurses were about my age and would react as I had.....
Since we nurses were not willing to check people's bags, Dr. Long had to take this duty onto himself. Now several outcomes were seen. First, several of the nurses came to me in anger and said, "I have never stolen from the hospital but now I will start and just try to see how I do it." It took some time to be able to deescalate the situation. This also caused very hard feelings to be raised with the doctor.
Here is the issue that was causing all the anger. We could not run the hospital without the medications. We were dealing with a Hemorrhagic Fever outbreak at that time and there was only one specific antibiotic to treat it and this was primarily the antibiotic that was disappearing. The stealing had to stop and how do you do this without finding out who is taking the medications? Oswald Chambers continues, "Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain, stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another. According to our thinking, everything is either delightful and good, or it is evil, malicious, and cowardly." We as foreign staff felt a terrible aversion to the idea of having to basically mistrust everyone because of one person. The local staff were very angry to be lumped in with a thief and not trusted when they were trustworthy and valued the trust. And the doctor knew that he needed to have medications to treat the children of the area that needed treatment.
It took one day for the thief to be found out. It was not any of the nurses......it was the pharmacist himself......he was taking the antibiotics putting them in the toes of his shoes and walking them out the gate. Our doctor found this. Quite honestly we were all shocked and I think I was the most. I had even said, "We won't need to check the pharmacist when he leaves because he knows exactly how much medication it takes for each treatment and how hopeless it will be if we don't have enough medications left". I was wrong......once again......
Oswald Chambers ends this writing with the following, ""Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter. Our Lord’s confidence in God, and in what God’s grace could do for anyone, was so perfect that He never despaired, never giving up hope for any person. If our trust is placed in human beings, we will end up despairing of everyone." This type of attitude would spare us so much grief and anger.
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